I can't help but ask myself, is this really worth it? Is it worth getting used and pushed around like before? I thought making a change would make things better, but it seems as if it's getting worse. I try to reach out and talk. I even say it twice to make sure they have heard me, but it's still nothing but silence from their lips. I wonder if it will get better and I hope that it does, I trully do. I think to myself constently about what I could change, but still a blank thought runs through my mind. I am run down, my strength is weakened, I have loss of sleep, and I have lost my appetite for food. I now have two choices, STAY or GO. I want to stay so badly, but I wonder if it will bring me up or beat me down? Everything is turning and going so fast. I have thought to myself so many times. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know how to react to anything. The one person I thought I knew is seeming to turn against me now. It just may be the crazy emotions I am feeling on the fact that I am completely FUCKED UP. I blame no one but myself. I wonder that I have no answer yet. It will come soon. And when it does I am going to take each day slowly. Hoping and praying this pain will end. I will wait patiently now.